There's nothing in this world more mouth-watering

There's nothing in this world more mouth-watering than mom's tender roast beef.

How every conversation with my sister ends.

How every conversation with my sister ends.

Why don't you play with me me?

Why don't you play with me me?

As soon as I started working at dad's firm

As soon as I started working at dad's firm I was treated like a man at home, too.

Mom and sis are really vying to keep me in-state

Mom and sis are really vying to keep me in-state for college.

I really have to fight for every inch with

I really have to fight for every inch with my sister.

There's nothing sweeter than when my daughter

There's nothing sweeter than when my daughter makes those little hearts at me.

When mom asks for a poolside waiter, the

When mom asks for a poolside waiter, the deal is spritz for tits.

I only formally adopted her a month ago,

I only formally adopted her a month ago, so it's no wonder my new step-daughter doesn't feel comfortable sleeping in her own room.

Sis is even closer to mom than I am. But

Sis is even closer to mom than I am. But at least they let me watch.

When I said to bring something you wouldn’t

When I said to bring something you wouldn’t mind getting wet in, mom took it in a way I wasn’t expecting.

Mom doesn’t need to ask when she wants

Mom doesn’t need to ask when she wants something rubbed.

Hot mess is the best way to describe my frequent

Hot mess is the best way to describe my frequent visits to grandma’s.

My little princess loves when I bring her

My little princess loves when I bring her along on business trips. I love that the firm only pays for one suite.

“So, why exactly did you follow me here

“So, why exactly did you follow me here little bro?”

My step-sis always manages to be a handful.

My step-sis always manages to be a handful.

No matter how many times we play, my sister

No matter how many times we play, my sister always chooses

I'm getting only positive signals from sis

I'm getting only positive signals from sis on this year's family vacation. I think the time has finally come.

Now when we wrestle, I always let my sister

Now when we wrestle, I always let my sister win.

I keep having to reminder my sister that

I keep having to reminder my sister that just because her boyfriend left doesn't mean it's time to get dressed.

When I asked where we were headed, mom just

When I asked where we were headed, mom just replied

From experience, my aunt's breakfast nook

From experience, my aunt's breakfast nook can be quite cramped.

Only after an agonizing hour of small talk

Only after an agonizing hour of small talk with the parents did my cousin and I get some alone time upstairs.

Before I can go upstairs and play videogames,

Before I can go upstairs and play videogames, there's always something I have to do. But at least when dad's away it's not homework.

When I ask whether it'll be a lame party

When I ask whether it'll be a lame party or a fun one, mom always gives the right answer.

My daughter asks to be punished just before

My daughter asks to be punished just before doing the naughty thing.

Before she took the internship, my daughter

Before she took the internship, my daughter knew that I wouldn’t expect anything less from her than I get from the others.

Having to share a cramped home office was

Having to share a cramped home office was awkward right up until mom discovered my browser history.

Nowadays, it's my sister who gets antsy shopping.

Nowadays, it's my sister who gets antsy shopping.

I think the snuggle gene gets handed down.

I think the snuggle gene gets handed down.

Mom's old-fashioned. And she knows how to

Mom's old-fashioned. And she knows how to keep me at home and out of trouble.

My step-sis and I are all about that summer

My step-sis and I are all about that summer style.

My aunt's a real biker, so when she promised

My aunt's a real biker, so when she promised a hot ride on my birthday, I knew it'd work out however she meant it.

When my daughters are naughty together, it's

When my daughters are naughty together, it's hard to decide who gets punished first.

In a survivalist family, you have to rely

In a survivalist family, you have to rely on each other for absolutely everything.

On my big 18th, mom gifted me two classics

On my big 18th, mom gifted me two classics to ride.

I dismiss the help each day as soon as my

I dismiss the help each day as soon as my daughter arrives home.

Guys joke about my sister’s blowjob lips.

Guys joke about my sister’s blowjob lips. But they have no idea.

A movie theater gig isn't the best in the

A movie theater gig isn't the best in the world, but late night screenings mean mom and I don't have to sit in the back row.

When I come home to the curtains in my room

When I come home to the curtains in my room shut tight, I know not to look for mom in the kitchen.

Step-sis always gives the cheapest and best

Step-sis always gives the cheapest and best presents.

As it turned out, the flash mob wasn’t

As it turned out, the flash mob wasn’t at all what my sister and I thought.

At this point, mom knows how to get me to

At this point, mom knows how to get me to do the dishes.

Rainy weather puts grandma in some kind of

Rainy weather puts grandma in some kind of mood. Not that I'm complaining.

I know my sister never wastes a good outfit

I know my sister never wastes a good outfit and makeup. So after a few fake messages to her boyfriend, I had a ready date on Valentines Day.

When mom confessed how she had mistakenly

When mom confessed how she had mistakenly spent the wax budget, I couldn't even be mad.

When visiting grandma in Florida, I promised

When visiting grandma in Florida, I promised to keep her out of the sun too much. But there’s only one sure way to do that.

When I married my new wife, her daughter

When I married my new wife, her daughter was always part of the deal.

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